The time has come. DS1 is now the proud owner of a mobile phone. His elevation into the technological age has come a bit earlier than we’d planned – but his friend Andreas is moving overseas and they want to be able to keep in touch. So, apprehensively (certainly on my part), the wife handed over her old phone and set him up with Skype as well as granting him access to Spotify among other

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There seems to be a new landscape at home. I don’t know – you go away for a couple of weeks and everything changes. For one, the wife has tidied up the house – it is no longer DS1’d. Things are where they should be; the sofa, for instance, isn’t in the middle of the lounge with an assortment of musical instruments stashed behind it – backstage, apparently. For two, the boy is charming, articulate,

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“He has finished his sentences and his times table practice,” read a text from the wife. “The bad news is his sentence for guarantee: ‘There is no guarantee that Dad is sober’.” Now, this was fairly accurate, seeing as I was at the football – and a good use of the word, it has to be said. That night (a Sunday), though, he woke me up at 3am to tell me he had been sick.

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